By: Ean Young, LPC

In life, we all face challenges, setbacks, and adversities. How we perceive and respond to these obstacles can make a world of difference in our overall well-being and success. Two distinct mindsets emerge in the face of adversity: the survivor mentality and the victim mentality. Understand the difference between the two can empower us to choose a path of resilience and growth.

The Victim Mentality

The victim mentality is characterized by a belief that external forces or other people are responsible for one’s hardships and failures, individuals with this mindset tend to view themselves as powerless victims of circumstance, often blaming others for their problems, They feel helpless, trapped, and unable to change their situation.

Key characteristics of the victim mentality include:

1. Blame-Shifting: Victims tend to point fingers at others, believing that someone or something else is responsibility for their misfortunes.
2. Helplessness: They often feel powerless and unable to take control of their lives, believing that their circumstances are beyond their influence.
3. Self-Pity: Victims frequently wallow in self-pity, dwelling on their programs rather than seeking solutions.
4. Stagnation: This mindset can lead to a lack of personal growth and development, as victims may resist change and personal responsibility.

The Survivor Mentality

In contrast, the survivor mentality is marked by a sense of personal responsibility and resilience. Those with this mindset view challenges as opportunities for growth and believe in their ability to overcome adversity. They embrace empowerment and take action to improve their circumstances.

Key characteristics of the survivor mentality include:

1. Ownership: Survivors take responsibility for their actions and decisions, acknowledging that they have the power to shape their lives.
2. Resilience: They bounce back from setbacks, viewing failures as stepping-stones toward success rather than as insurmountable obstacles.
3. Problem-Solving: Survivors actively seek solutions to their problems, focusing on finding ways to improve their situation.
4. Growth-Oriented: This mindset encourages personal development and willingness to adapt and learn from experiences.

Choosing Empowerment Over Helplessness

The choice between a victim and survivor mentality ultimately shapes our lives. While it’s natural to experience moments of self-pity or blame when facing challenges, dwelling in a victim mentality can be detrimental to our well-being and hinder personal growth. Instead, cultivating a survivor mentality empowers us to take control of our lives, learn from adversity, and emerge stronger.

Here are some steps to help shift from a victim mentality to a survivor mentality:

1. Self-Awareness: Recognize when you are slipping into a victim mindset. Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Acceptance: Accept that adversity is a part of life. It’s not about avoiding challenges but learning to navigate them.
3. Responsibility: Take ownership of your actions and decisions. Understand that you have the power to share your future.
4. Resilience: Develop resilience by viewing setbacks as opportunities for personal growth. Embrace changes as a chance for improvement.
5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth and well-being.

In conclusion, the choice between having a survivor mentality and a victim mentality is a pivotal one that influences our overall quality of life. By embracing personal responsibility, resilience, and a growth oriented approach, we can transform challenges into opportunities and empower ourselves to thrive despite adversity. Remember, you have the power to choose your mindset and shape your destiny.

Information adapted from the writings of Dr. Kevin M. Gilmartin, Ph.D.

By: Ryan Thompson, LPC

Pleasers are some of the nicest, most loyal, committed, and loving people you will ever meet. Their biggest strength tends to be their loving heart. However, this strength also tends to be their biggest weakness. The loving and kind nature of a pleaser often leads to a struggle with saying “no”, becoming a doormat for others, having difficulty expressing anger, dealing with rejection and conflict, general anxiety, and trouble focusing on personal needs.

Often, the biggest issue for a pleaser is difficulty saying “no” to others. Pleasers typically struggle to say “no” because they fear rejection or the potential for the conflict/guilt trip that could result. Pleasers often focus on keeping the peace and keeping others happy, usually at the cost of themselves. Saying “no” is fearsome to the pleaser as they typically believe it will lead to a ‘bad response’ from the other person.

So, why is not being able to say “no” a big deal? Not being able to say “no” to another person often causes our “yes” responses to become obligatory which in turn causes the “yes” response to lose its authenticity. In other words, being able to say “no” occasionally makes our “yes” really mean something. What can happen when I say “no”? Most pleasers tend to view saying “no” as saying “no” to the individual making the request. The truth is that when we say “no” to a person we are not saying “no” to the individual but are instead saying “no” to the request.

What about that feeling of guilt that can come from saying “no”? Well, the truth is we don’t feel real guilt when we say “no”, we feel what’s called false guilt. Guilt is that feeling we get when we do something we believe is morally wrong. For example, telling a lie, can lead to feeling guilty because one believes lying is morally wrong. So, unless you believe the act of saying “no” is immoral, then you are dealing with false guilt or feeling responsible for a particular event when in reality you have no power or control over the outcome.

In reality we cannot say “yes” to everything, nor can we make everyone happy. For example, there will come a time when you will say “no” to a friend to say “yes” to your partner. Or a time you will have to say “no” to someone in order to say “yes” to yourself. In these situations, it is possible that someone may be unhappy with you. Learning to allow others to be unhappy at times, comes with life, we can’t make everyone happy. If you were told “no” by someone would you take it personally or kindly accept it? Most pleasers or generally nice people will understand and lovingly accept and not take a “no” response personally. When you come across someone who does not accept your “no” responses and only seems happy when you respond with “yes”, recognize the red flag and work to set boundaries. You deserve to have people in your life that accept both your “yes” and “no” responses.

So, are you ready to take the first step towards healing from being a pleaser? If so, a good first step is to just practice saying “no” to others in your day-to-day life. This doesn’t mean go looking for things to say “no” to but recognize opportunities where you truly do not want to say “yes” and say “no”! The more you practice saying no, the more your “yes” responses feel better and more authentic. You will begin to feel empowered, less anxious and on the road to taking your life back. You will also start to weed out the people that should or should not be in your life!

Need help or guidance and believe you are ready to take the next step toward healing from being a pleaser? Call for an appointment today!

By: Renee Hunnicutt, LCSW

Bringing your teen to counseling is a great step to combat anxiety, depression, self-harm, and other common mental health concerns. The work does not stop there! As a parent, you obviously have more access to your teen than their therapist does. One hour every week or so is minimal compared to the amount of communication your teen needs to have with you. Therapy is not the magic wand that will “fix” your teen, it is just one of many things that can help in their journey.

Teens most often complain that their parents just don’t understand or “get it.” They often forget their parents were once teens going through similar (although different) struggles. Social media has amplified this disconnect and increased the number of issues our teens have. Be aware of what your teen is accessing via social media and recognize how often they are accessing it.

So, how can parents connect with their teens? How can you help your teen through the swamp known as middle/high school, relationships, future planning, identity crisis, and more? While it is not the same for all teens, for most, they just want parents to LISTEN! They need a place to talk and not be bombarded with ways to fix it or feel overloaded by emotional reactions from adults. When appropriate ASK your teen if they want help to find a solution or if they just wanted to share, when they do open up.

Find a way you can connect on a deeper level with your teen. Put the phones and other devices away and get to know them again, really BE WITH THEM!!! Know their favorite fast food or drink and GO WITH THEM to get it. Ask them about their favorite bands and music and LISTEN WITH THEM! Do they play Roblox/Fortnite/XBOX/PlayStation? PLAY A GAME WITH THEM! What other hobbies do they enjoy? PARTICIPATE WITH THEM! Yes, even when you, as the parent, may not enjoy what they enjoy, paying attention and showing interest provides an opportunity to connect with your teen.

Are you wondering how to get more than “fine”, “good” or “boring” answers from your teen? Yes, they might be getting to an age where they do not rely on or need their parents as much, but they still need to connect on a deeper level than “How was school?” or “How are your grades?” Those things are important but we as parents are missing something by not just being with our teen and listening. Instead ask questions that will elicit more of a response such as “Tell me about your classes” or “Tell me about your favorite/worst part of today.” And recognize where they are struggling so you can ask more questions like, “How was that Algebra test today” or “Tell me about lunch today, do you think it went better/worse”.

I get it, your teen wants to hang in their room all day or go off to work or be with friends. Why would they want to spend time with their parents? This is where you get to use your parenting skills and invade their bubble a bit. Plan something to do FOR AND WITH THEM and then tell them about it. Don’t just ask if they want to, because trust me, you will be disappointed when they say “no.” Deeper relationships with them do not happen overnight so take the time to put more into the relationship now and be patient.

But what if I don’t have a teenager? It is NEVER too early (or too late) to start developing a stronger relationship with your child. Having a child gain independence versus disconnecting from a parent relationship are two completely different things. Start working to establish this healthy pattern of communication and connection NOW! Entering teen years with a strong relationship and level of trust can lead to stronger bonds and more open communication along the way.

Now go spend time with your teens, you’ve got this!!

By: Katie Deen, LPC, RPT

Here comes summer. We have holidays, time with friends, vacations, and all the FUN activities. Yet, do you ever feel like there is more yelling? More meltdowns? More fighting and frustration? Do you find yourself looking at your kids thinking what is wrong…. this is supposed to be fun! As a parent, it is frustrating and hard. I mean you worked extra shifts for this vacation. You put time and energy into this fun idea. You worked so hard to make this holiday magical. So, what’s happening?

Well, hear me out – kids have a really hard time with new places, new routines, holidays, loud noises EVEN when it is fun. Why? Developing brains crave stability, routine, and predictability, so when we have holidays and vacations and summer days filled with fun, their brain is thinking this is different. Really different. What’s going to happen next? Their brain goes into overdrive and here come the meltdowns, the pushback, the fights.

So, how can we help? PREP! Prep your kiddos with all the details of what tomorrow will look like, what the holiday plans are, or what our vacation will entail. The more details the better. This allows your child’s brain to feel they have stability and predictability helping to reduce, minimize, or avoid confusion, frustrations, and meltdowns. Most importantly prep yourself as the parent. Knowing change and new things is just hard for kids. Lower your expectations. Expect meltdowns and hard moments. When we know these challenges will occur, we can approach these situations and our kiddos with grace and understanding and still allow fun and joy throughout the summer! Remember, YOU GOT THIS!

Warmly,
Katie, Your Friendly LWC Registered Play Therapist

When it comes to alcohol, you may wonder where the line is and if you’re crossing that line at all. How many drinks is considered alcohol abuse? Do you have a problem with alcohol? How do you know if you have an alcohol addiction? Here are 5 signs you have a problem with alcohol and how to address them.

At Lake Worth Counseling Center, we care deeply about each person and take pride in helping our clients through the challenges they face. As we walk through various obstacles with the people we see, it’s important we take time to highlight some of the challenges they may face in their lives. As a part of Alcoholism Awareness Month, we are bringing attention to alcohol and how to spot if you or someone you may know has a problem with their drinking.

The 2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health showed that “139.7 million Americans aged 12 or older were past month alcohol users, 65.8 million people were binge drinkers in the past month, and 16 million were heavy drinkers in the past month.” [1] Alcohol is affecting more people than we realize. Here are some of the signs to look for if you or someone you know has a problem with alcohol. (Hint: It doesn’t look like what we’ve seen in the movies.)

1. You’re Drinking a Lot of Alcohol and Craving It.

This one may not come as a surprise to you, but people who struggle with alcohol abuse or alcoholism drink a lot. This isn’t your once in a while glass of wine, but the consistent over-use and consumption of alcohol.

The NIAA defines heavy drinking for men as “consuming 4 or more drinks on any day or 14 drinks per week.” For women, heavy drinking looks like “consuming more than 3 drinks on any day or more than 7 drinks per week.” [2]

People who have a problem with alcohol crave it intensely. These cravings can occur in response to a trigger and are a symptom of both withdrawal and addiction. [3] When you consistently over-drink, you condition your brain to desire alcohol. This means your cravings for alcohol aren’t something you’re trying to make happen, but the result of over-consumption and heavy drinking. These cravings are one of the reasons why resisting alcohol is so hard. The more you drink, the harder it will be to stop.

2. You Can’t Seem to Cut Down on Your Drinking No Matter How Much You Want to or How Hard You Try.

If you know there needs to be a change in your drinking, you’re likely already experiencing the negative effects of alcohol. But each time you try to make a change, the temptations come flooding in. Maybe your friends want to take you out for the night. Or your day was so intense and you know a few drinks will help ease the stress. And even when you say you’ll only have one or two drinks, that limit slowly fades as the night progresses.

This isn’t normal behavior around alcohol. People who don’t struggle with drinking can exhibit a level of self-control in these situations. They can say no when a night of drinking is presented to them or when they’ve set a limit on the drinks they want to have that night.

If you find yourself struggling to control your drinking you might have a problem with alcohol that needs to be addressed.

3. When You Try to Stop or Limit Your Drinking, You Start Getting Withdrawal Side Effects.

Withdrawal is a tell-tale sign that you have a problem with alcohol. When you experience symptoms of withdrawal, the brain needs more alcohol to reach the new normal you’ve conditioned it to through consistent heavy drinking. [3] This means your brain has gotten so used to your drinking, it’s learned to function with the level of alcohol you’re regularly consuming. When you remove alcohol from the picture, your body reacts negatively with symptoms like these [4]:

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms when you change your drinking habits, you have a problem with alcohol and need to address it as soon as possible.

4. You Have Developed a Tolerance to Alcohol, so It Takes You More and More Drinks to Get the Feeling You Want.

The amount of alcohol that usually gets you “buzzed” or “tipsy” feeling no longer works. It’s now taking you more and more drinks to get the feeling you enjoy from alcohol, which can lead you down a slippery slope.

The NIAA defines different levels of tolerance, but they all develop through the regular consumption of alcohol. [6] The more you drink, the less you’ll feel the effects of alcohol at the same level. The normal drinker will develop a tolerance to alcohol over time, too, so it’s important we distinguish what this looks like.

You’re likely developing a dangerous tolerance to alcohol when more is needed to experience “mind-altering effects” and “achieve a feeling of escape from reality.” This type of tolerance is one of the first signs of alcohol dependency and needs immediate attention. If no treatment is sought, you will be at risk for medical complications from drinking like alcohol overdose or other dangerous conditions. [7]

5. You Continue to Drink Despite the Problems It’s Causing In Your Life.

If you’re starting to see the effects of your drinking in other aspects of your life, you likely have a problem with alcohol. These effects can develop physically, socially, and emotionally. They can show up at work, at home, with your friends, and your health.

Maybe you’re not showing up to work or missing commitments due to a hangover. Maybe you’re seeing a decline in your work performance or grades. Or your family is starting to make comments about your drinking.

Whatever the effect, it’s clear your drinking is no longer affecting just you, but the immediate people and situations around you.

Pay close attention when this happens and take note of what the people around you are saying about your drinking. Even if you don’t think you have a problem with alcohol, it’s still worth listening to the concerns of the people in your circle.

How to Get Help If You Have a Problem With Alcohol

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), if you meet two or more of the above points (and others) in the last 12 months, you might have Alcohol Use Disorder. [8] Even just one symptom from the list above is a cause for concern and enough to seriously consider how your alcohol consumption might be affecting your life.

Talk to your doctor or a medical professional to determine what next steps are needed to overcome your problems with alcohol. There are a wealth of addiction counselors and medical professionals who can help you through any of the issues you’re facing.

Here at Lake Worth Counseling, we have a wide range of counselors who can walk you through an initial assessment to help you figure out your best course of treatment. Call (817) 238-0106 or visit www.lwc.care to schedule this appointment. We care deeply about each person and want to help you through this challenge.

If you know someone who meets the criteria above, please call the 24-hour alcohol information hotline at 1-866-454-4160 or visit the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator for more information on what to do.

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Sources:
[1] McCance-Katz, MD Ph.D., E. F.. (2019). Find Help: ATOD. SAMHSA. https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/atod
[2] National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (n.d.). Drinking Levels Defined. NIH. Retrieved August 4, 2021, from https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/moderate-binge-drinking
[3] Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. (2020, August 26). The Facts about Alcohol Cravings and How to Beat Them. https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/what-is-craving
[4] Monico, N. (2020, July 24). Am I an Alcoholic? Do I Have a Drinking Problem? Alcohol.Org. https://www.alcohol.org/faq/am-i-an-alcoholic/
[5] NHS. (2019, January 18). Risks. Nhs.Uk. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/risks/
[6] National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (1995, April). Alcohol and Tolerance – Alcohol Alert No. 28–1995. NIH. https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa28.htm
[7] National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2020, March). Understanding the Dangers of Alcohol Overdose. NIAA. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/understanding-dangers-of-alcohol-overdose
[8] National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (n.d.-a). Alcohol Use Disorder. NIH. Retrieved April 8, 2021, from https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohol-use-disorder